I hope that reading my writing makes you feel like I've just given you a hug. If it doesn't, e-mail me, and I'll have to give you one in person.

To employers in the media and publishing industries in San Francisco (or Mountain View!), I am here to introduce an offer that you cannot refuse. It’s easy, cheap, and guaranteed to be beneficial to both the long and short term growth of your business. The offer is simple, and can be summed up in two words: hire me.

This is the internet, so let me provide you with a short listicle of reasons as to why adopting me into your publication’s fold would be a win/win situation:

1. Occasionally I am actually kind of smart. I like to think that intelligence is a major commodity in a market that was essentially destroyed by stupidity. I’m about to graduate from NYU with a 3.75 GPA, and I have the subway system down pat. This means that I am both school and street smart.
2. I am what one might call savvy, which means that I am well-versed in the Tools and Trade of the Internet. Social media? I was practically tweeting at birth! I got my first AIM screen name when I was eight. I can build a webpage from scratch using HTML and CSS. I can help raise your Google Index through SEO. I can even make that div float so that the text doesn’t get all messy. Don’t know what that means? See, you really should hire me.
3. Despite being only 22 years old, I have a lot of writing, blogging and publishing industry experience. Currently, I’m the editor-in-chief of hyperlocal campus news blog NYU Local, which gets well over 10,000 unique hits a day. I’ve interned for the Nieman Journalism Lab and Salon. I’m currently a Staff Editor and Developer for the soon-to-be-launched New York Times East Village Local blog.  You can read my full resume here.
4. My secretarial skills could put Joan Holloway to shame; just ask my bosses at The Library Journal Book Review, where I’ve been an editorial and administrative assistant for over a year. I am highly experienced in fighting with copy machines (usually the paper jam is imaginary, but it takes experience to figure that out). I also am well-versed in both PC and Mac usage, as well as software packages like Microsoft Office and Adobe Suite. If you hire me, I would be happy to Photoshop you into a picture with President Obama.
5. I was reared during the internet age, most consciously during the dot com bust. I am also only 22, meaning that I am the definition of cheap labor.  No, seriously, I think that getting paid anything more than $12/hour is “living large,” and getting paid $12/hour is “extremely manageable.”(UPDATE: Please see this comment. I guess I was lowballing.)

Now here’s where we get a little earnest, so if your publication is all about snark, then you may want to just skip this part. The deal is this: I’ve wanted to live in San Francisco since I was 10 years old. The reasons at this point are irrelevant  (so what if, like most other suburban kids, I thought On the Road was life changing?), but I have always taken major risks in the name of San Francisco. These risks have almost always paid off. The summer before my senior year of high school, I decided to live in Berkeley for a summer and take a course there. Shy and awful at meeting people, I was naturally terrified of having to adjust my lifestyle so dramatically. Ultimately, the experience was incredibly rewarding, and I ended up meeting two of my best friends through the program.

To move to San Francisco now will be one of the biggest risks I’ve ever taken. Most media and writing jobs are here in New York, my network is here, my connections are here; but my heart is–wait for it–in San Francisco.  I can’t value myself as a writer and as a person if I don’t give myself the chance to follow my instincts and settle by the Bay. If it were up to me, I’d have moved to San Francisco years ago–I even wrote my NYU admissions essay about that summer in Berkeley! Because of familial and school circumstances, this is the first time in my entire life that I can actually make the decision I’ve wanted to for years and relocate to the West coast. But San Francisco employers: I need your help to do this! I can’t afford rent on unpaid internships, I can’t pay bills on a meager freelancer’s income. So please, I implore you: look at my resume, and then look into your soul. If you’ve ever wanted something so badly that you were willing to risk almost everything, then you understand where I’m coming from here.

I am an incredibly hard worker, and I really believe that I could be a great employee to you. Once you’ve finished reading my pleas and wiping the tears from your eyes, please e-mail me.

Ed. note: The bragging required for this post made me extremely uncomfortable, but I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if it means landing a job in SF!

Logistics (timeframes, etc.) after the jump.

Hey Jessica, when are you graduating?

May 10, 2010.

When are you moving to San Francisco?

Any time after graduation! This means mid-May 2010 or any time after that. I have two part-time summer jobs tentatively set up in NYC, but would be more than happy to forgo taking them in the name of a full time paying position in San Francisco.

What kind of job do you want?

I’d love to take on any kind of writing or editing position, entry-level or not. My  main markets are blogs, newspapers/magazines and the publishing industry. Positions of interest include (in alphabetical order!):

• Administrative Assistant (with editorial duties)
• Blogger (culture, news, tech, women’s issues)
• Editorial Assistant/Editor
• Fact-checker
• Latte Fetcher
• Researcher
• Resident Young Person who Does Things on the Internet
• Social Media Assistant
• Writer at (online or print) newspaper/magazine

What are some other skills you possess?

Aside from those I list above, I am also awesome at the following:

• Baking cookies
• Self-deprecation
• Writing To Do lists
• Expounding upon obscure LOST theories
• Defending Taylor Swift in debates regarding: her musical talent, whether or not she is a ‘feminist,’ her status as ‘America’s Sweetheart’
• Typing on my Blackberry really, really fast

Do you honestly think this will work?

The idealism hasn’t been fully beaten out of me just yet! That is to say: I have no idea, but I am a certified overachiever and must do something other than continuously trolling the depressing opportunities on Monster/NYU Careernet/Craigslist.

Again, here is my contact information.

Thank you and good day.

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